I am ….what I am

 

 

 

Am a woman who loves to wake up early just to see the beautiful sunrise

 

Am a woman who eats half a kilo of chocolates when am feeling blue

 

Am a woman who breaks down just like that at times, crying buckets of tears until my eyes swell up so much that I cant even open them

 

Am a woman who can laugh at anything and everything for a moment but the next, can be as cold as a rock

 

Am woman who cant live without music so much so that the moment I open my eyes the music has to start……and keep humming in my ears while am drifting off to sleep

 

Am a woman who can sit idle for hours at a stretch without blinking an eye,  while my mind is racing and leaping and travelling all over the world

 

Am a woman who would talk and talk and talk until my jaws actually ache

 

Am a woman who would explode with anger in one minute and would say sorry a million times the very next minute

 

Am a woman who would dance and play in the rain even if a hundred people are watching and laughing

 

Am a woman who keeps thinking ‘what if I were ……..’ every moment of the day

 

Am a woman who is a hopeless romantic, often dwelling in my fantasy land as a princess

 

Am a woman who is a mature, level-headed person one minute, and might turn into a clingy, adamant baby at the next minute

 

Am a woman who appreciates beauty in all forms and will never hesitate in saying so

 

Am a woman who when loves , loves with all her heart  and believes in THE ONE, the only , love of life

 

Am a woman who often questions herself what reason I have to live on this planet

 

Am a woman who is in love with life itself, but there are a few people who mean more than life to me

 

 

 

 

 

Silence builds an awful wreckage of a girl

It feeds on loneliness and creates a void

Grey shadows haunt and torment and torture

A woman is stricken and destroyed

 

There is no sound of laughter or happiness here

The girl has thrown in the towel today

Somber, melancholy moods decay the soul

It is futile to hope and dream and pray

 

Emptiness builds a home in this woman

In this girl, where hollows have bred

A deepening sea of nowhereness consumes

And eats away at every connecting thread

 

Confusion feeds like a savage inside her

Leaving nothing considered worthy remains

Destined to walk through life less ordinary

Alone, exiled, different and disdained……

 

 

I just want to fly

Cant sit  idle until I try

Day in-day out, to be with you, I cry

The wings don’t grow, tell me why?

My heart is shrivelling and going dry

You are the apple of my eye

The only reason for me to live by

Magnificent dreams at the blink of an eye

Come here and take me to the sky

Then, while in your arms, I must die

The other day I and  my family went  on one of those weekend outings. We were roaming around inside UB city, just window shopping. Out of sheer curiousity, I stumbled into the Louis Vuitton Store over there. Mind you, I had no intention, whatsoever, of buying anything! But once inside, I was somehow overpowered by the ambience of this luxury brand. Anything I picked to examine…cost anywhere between 20k to 200k. And I admit, they weren’t so much of an eye candy either. Bags, shoes, purses, totes, belts,etc, etc….on every product , there was a monogram of LV engraved. I picked up a pair of light brown pumps that I particularly liked, the price tag on which said it cost about Rs.38,000!!!! My eyes almost popped out! I wistfully put it back. On second thoughts, I picked it up again, just to make sure that the shoes didn’t have a gold lining that made them cost so much! Not really! They were made of suede, which could have been of the highest quality. In anycase, it didn’t matter! I wasn’t going to shell out so much money for a pair of shoes!

And then, did I walk out? Oh no! You know me. I wouldn’t exit until I had seen every item inside-out!

I was thinking,…. ok, forget about shoes. Let me buy a small purse or some kind of accessory just to show-off the LV monogram .Wandering toward the hand purses section, I picked up the smallest of them all. Forget about money, but hardly a few coins could fit into that purse and still, it cost about Rs.6000!!! I was like….what the…???? All this for the LV monogram??!! Ok, no thanks!

By now, I was feeling dizzy! I just scampered out of there! This is not for me! May be for movie stars, rock stars, etc …but definitely NOT FOR ME!

 

 

P.S: The only thing I appreciated about the place is the patience of the sales people. They were constantly smiling and giving directions happily although they perfectly knew that 99.999999% walking into that store wouldn’t be buying anything at all

Oh, to dream the dream

Of the beautiful moment

To await the closeness

Of your kiss and caress

Lying and listening

To the tick of the clock

 

Then you in my embrace

Your smiling face

Your shining eyes

Your sweetest words

Oh, what do I do without you?

 

Pushing through the day

Until the sun’s last ray

To hold you once more

To tell you I love you all the more

Oh, is this what is called eternity?

 

Tears are here

Draining my heart and soul

With just a glance from you

Am alive again

Till then, I think am lost again

Sometimes when I sit back and reminisce about my childhood , so many golden moments come back to me. Some are happy memories while some are wistful , while others are just plain hilarious. I relive through those moments time and again for the sole reason that I can’t go back to them ever again.

 

They remind me how carefree life used to be……sigh!

 

There is one such  incident that comes back to me now and then.

 I dunno why, but sometimes I am very self conscious , but at others, I love nothing but to laugh at myself. Its so  much more simple than to laugh at other people.

 

Well, it was the month of May [ may be that’s why I remember it now?], and we were all enjoying our summer holidays. Back then there were no summer camps or so many coaching classes that are available now. We would play gully cricket, play on hand-made  swings , hide-n-seek or just wander around our locality in groups  on cycles. If there was a “No Trespassing” board, then we would consider it our very own territory . We would steal fruits from orchards, fight and drive each other mad but not once did I lose my title of being the goody-good girl in front of our elders. For them , I could do no wrong…….

On one such lazy Sunday afternoon, me and my friends and cousins were catching butterflies and trapping them in little transparent bags to show-off to others. And then came the villain!

 

The villain that  I mention here was not some bully-guy but literally a ‘bull’.

 

He was a big terror in our area. What with his horns and all, even adults alike were scared of him because he tended to chase people across the road sometimes  without any provocation.

And he turned up at the place where we were hunting butterflies. He might have been calm , but at the sight of him, we panicked and started to run helter-skelter. Somehow, that must have pissed him off!  He started coming towards us, and we screamed all the more!

Almost everybody was gone, except me. I climbed on top of a huge heap of sand that was nearby. Well, what shall I say, my dearest villain chose to come after me!

 

He was constantly trying to climb but his hooves were slipping amongst the sand. But he was getting nearer and nearer, so I climbed on top of the adjoining wall. He didn’t go away and  was still wrestling with the sand. So once again, I climbed on to a nearby tree! I was shivering so much with fear that my legs had gone rubbery.

 

 Meanwhile, the bull started to ignore me because now he was more pissed with the sand for not letting him get to me .  I  watched him for a while sitting on the branches of the tree,  then chose a moment and with a brave heart …..jumped off the tree and sneaked behind the bull . Then I ran …and ran …ran……. not turning back once

This will be  a series here-on where I post the songs and movies that I love and reasons for it…..

 

Most likely, it would be just a record of my moods …..lolzz

 

I know…..I know…. who  cares what movies I watch and what music I  listen to! But, hey, what the heck……..this is MY BLOG!

 

Hmmm. Let me begin with a song that fills up my eyes each time I listen to it. Its Annie’s Song by John Denver. I remember the very first time when I listened to it, I was sobbing like a baby….coz somehow it was relevant then and still is. Not only do I listen to it every single day but also make everyone who call me listen to it , ie,…its the caller tune on my phone….

And the lyrics. Aah. Till date, never heard a more beautiful song with so much depth of thought and love.Wish you would play it for me someday ………hmmm. It goes:

 

You fill up my senses
Like a night in the forest
Like the mountains in springtime
Like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert
Like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses
Come fill me again

Come let me love you
Let me give my life to you
Let me drown in your laughter
Let me die in your arms
Let me lay down beside you
Let me always be with you
Come let me love you
Come love me again

Let me give my life to you
Come let me love you
Come love me again

You fill up my senses
Like a night in the forest
Like the mountains in springtime
Like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert
Like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses
Come fill me again

Ofcourse its a love song …….and i dedicate to my loved ones

The other day I and my sis went to visit our uncle at his office. Well, he was the Deputy Commissioner of Police at that time so that’s where we went…to his office. Once inside it looked nothing like I would have imagined it to be. Don’t worry, I won’t go into details describing the setting

 

As luck would have it, uncle was pretty busy at that time and we were asked to wait outside. We sat in highly uncomfortable chairs in the waiting room.

 

 Wherever I go, at whatever time I might go, I always have to pay a visit to the bathroom. Its a kind of obligation, of which both my sis and my friends make fun off. There was not one single female constable, so feeling a little uncomfortable, I asked my sis to enquire the constable standing nearest to us as to where the bathroom might be.

 

Here is the fun part.

 

She asked him, “ Can you please tell us where the restroom is?”

 

For a moment he went blank and then looked puzzled and very slowly and not so surely pointed in the direction of a room.

 

When we went there, to our surprise, we found there was no bathroom over there except a few plastic chairs and a  thermos and tea cups on a table.

It was our time to be puzzled.

We came back and sis glared at him. He once again gave us that puzzled look but went on to say ,” Its ok, no one will come there.” I was horrified! She opened her mouth to say something, and then it dawned on me. I pulled her  away and said, “ Hey, ask him for the toilet , stupid!! I am sure he misunderstood when you said ‘restroom’!!!” So that was it

This time when she asked, he showed signs of recognition and pointed to us the way to the bathroom. Both of us had to bite our cheeks to keep ourselves from laughing hard…….

Without you

Whole life is blue

I have not a clue

What to do….. without you

Go hide from me

But, you are sure to miss me

Am gasping for breath

oh no, its not a threat

Just that, without you

Life is nothing but blue

 

 

 

To paint a picture of mine you desire

To be chiselled by your hands, is…my desire

 

If you were to sculpt me to perfection

That alone, shall be my benediction

 

Carved by you, flawless I shall become

When with you, there is not a fear to overcome

 

While you sculpt, I shall breath and live

When untouched, my body and soul might bereave

 

Michelangelo and DaVinci have come and gone

But my heart sees only YOU as the greatest one